In the first month or so of my baby's life he slept an astonishing amount. He was only awake and alert about three hours per day, in precise one hour blocks. As a result I felt that when he was awake he had better have my full attention - after all, if you were only awake for three hours per day and the people around you ignored you life would be pretty dull. So for those three hours he had my complete attention - games, talking, taking care of changing/washing/dressing etc. And it was fun, and we both enjoyed it, as did my husband when he was at home. During naps I did laundry, made food, tidied up, did whatever I needed to do, making sure that none of these 'boring' things intruded on 'his' time.
But now he is starting to be awake more - perhaps five or six hours in a day - again in the one hour blocks. This is the stage, I think, where parents start feeling like they are about to run out of things to do and also getting a bit bored by the rattles. After all, if you're in the habit of providing a one- or even two-person variety show - singing, dancing, funny voices, ventriloquism involving small toys - then three hours with intervals is a longish West End show. Six hours is crazy unless you've always wanted to go into showbiz and are using it as rehearsal time. I did actually once spend several hours at the house of a friend of a friend who actually seemed to be doing this for their baby, all day every day. Not sure how they did it but I neither want to nor would be able to.
So I've changed my approach. Now when he naps it is my time. I write, read, watch telly, chat to friends, and do whatever else is enjoyable for me. When he wakes up I combine caring for him and playing with him with everything else that needs to be done. Most of the time I sit him in a bouncy chair or in a pram (so I can move him around the ground floor with me) so he can be close to me. The chores include:
Singing loudly whilst hanging out the laundry. He listens to the singing without wincing (maybe I should be on the X Factor? My baby thinks I have a nice voice!) and I hold out the colours for him to look at - the dark wash is probably a bit boring, I'll admit.
Cooking - I hold out ingredients for him to smell and explain recipes as I go along. I'm hoping I have a future chef on my hands or at least a child who can cook us dinner by the time he is ten or so....
Working in the garden - bit cold now so it might have to wait till Spring, but while it was still warmish he has smelled lavender, brussel sprout plants and sweet peas, stared at branches waving above his head and been amazed by the colours of falling leaves.
And there are things that I find fun that I can share with him:
Dancing in my arms to my favourite music - this is frequently Bollywood music or very uncool pop, but there's only so much children's songs you can listen to and still stay sane...
Taking photos of the two of us together - this involves lying on the bed together and holding up a camera phone with many failed attempts along the way. The best results get texted to his father at work, so he can see what nutters we are.
Reading books - I love all books, even children's books, the best of which are just wonderful. It doesn't matter that he doesn't understand for now: he likes the pictures, I like the stories.
Even things you'd think would be dull for a baby they seem to like - he'll stare at us eating as though we were doing something astonishing, sat through my eyebrows being threaded with a fixed glare as though assessing the beautician's technique with marks out of ten and watches me tidy the nursery between bouts of thrashing his arms and legs on a mat on the floor.
I have many happy memories of playing on my own as a child while being vaguely aware of an adult somewhere nearby, doing their thing while I did mine. We chatted or sometimes what they were doing seemed more interesting so I'd wander over and join in - cooking, mending fences (we lived on a farm), polishing the floor (my mother let me and my siblings slide all over it in socks which buffed it up very nicely), making Christmas cards with potato prints, all sorts. Daily life is fascinating for children and it's how they learn real life skills. Shaking a rattle is one thing, but being able to cook...
And when it's time for a nap again the sound of the hoover is a wonderful help.
But now he is starting to be awake more - perhaps five or six hours in a day - again in the one hour blocks. This is the stage, I think, where parents start feeling like they are about to run out of things to do and also getting a bit bored by the rattles. After all, if you're in the habit of providing a one- or even two-person variety show - singing, dancing, funny voices, ventriloquism involving small toys - then three hours with intervals is a longish West End show. Six hours is crazy unless you've always wanted to go into showbiz and are using it as rehearsal time. I did actually once spend several hours at the house of a friend of a friend who actually seemed to be doing this for their baby, all day every day. Not sure how they did it but I neither want to nor would be able to.
So I've changed my approach. Now when he naps it is my time. I write, read, watch telly, chat to friends, and do whatever else is enjoyable for me. When he wakes up I combine caring for him and playing with him with everything else that needs to be done. Most of the time I sit him in a bouncy chair or in a pram (so I can move him around the ground floor with me) so he can be close to me. The chores include:
Singing loudly whilst hanging out the laundry. He listens to the singing without wincing (maybe I should be on the X Factor? My baby thinks I have a nice voice!) and I hold out the colours for him to look at - the dark wash is probably a bit boring, I'll admit.
Cooking - I hold out ingredients for him to smell and explain recipes as I go along. I'm hoping I have a future chef on my hands or at least a child who can cook us dinner by the time he is ten or so....
Working in the garden - bit cold now so it might have to wait till Spring, but while it was still warmish he has smelled lavender, brussel sprout plants and sweet peas, stared at branches waving above his head and been amazed by the colours of falling leaves.
And there are things that I find fun that I can share with him:
Dancing in my arms to my favourite music - this is frequently Bollywood music or very uncool pop, but there's only so much children's songs you can listen to and still stay sane...
Taking photos of the two of us together - this involves lying on the bed together and holding up a camera phone with many failed attempts along the way. The best results get texted to his father at work, so he can see what nutters we are.
Reading books - I love all books, even children's books, the best of which are just wonderful. It doesn't matter that he doesn't understand for now: he likes the pictures, I like the stories.
Even things you'd think would be dull for a baby they seem to like - he'll stare at us eating as though we were doing something astonishing, sat through my eyebrows being threaded with a fixed glare as though assessing the beautician's technique with marks out of ten and watches me tidy the nursery between bouts of thrashing his arms and legs on a mat on the floor.
I have many happy memories of playing on my own as a child while being vaguely aware of an adult somewhere nearby, doing their thing while I did mine. We chatted or sometimes what they were doing seemed more interesting so I'd wander over and join in - cooking, mending fences (we lived on a farm), polishing the floor (my mother let me and my siblings slide all over it in socks which buffed it up very nicely), making Christmas cards with potato prints, all sorts. Daily life is fascinating for children and it's how they learn real life skills. Shaking a rattle is one thing, but being able to cook...
And when it's time for a nap again the sound of the hoover is a wonderful help.
No comments:
Post a Comment